Here is a little letter I wrote in part to myself and to the people growing up in the 21st century. Because sometimes becoming an adult doesn't really have to be so complicated:
"I wonder. At what point did everything change? When and where did I suddenly become a woman? A woman with responsibilities and a woman that feels - often enough in the day - as though she is independent and capable for herself.
When I turned 21, I considered myself an adult. When I graduated college, I imagined myself to be free and, quite suddenly, not a girl. But the realities that come from "growing up" are nowhere near as clear and defined as I had previously expected. I was out of college, newly recruited for a temporary position - at a company that I was supposed to be proud to be in - and still not able to sign up for a Best Buy credit card. To the universe, I hadn't quite existed yet. Though I had thought myself a grown woman at 21, I realized I was only then becoming a woman. Working and paying (a few) bills; still living at home with my parents and not actually paying rent. Yes, I was an adult of the 21st century. I got up to go to work and ate for lunch the leftovers from my mother's delicious dinners. Sure, I was "an adult" and yes, I started the whole taxes endeavour. And yet somewhere along the way I forgot what it meant to be a woman, and what it meant to grow up.
As a teenager, adults make sure to tell you to "grow up" as often as possible. Teens are told of the horrors of the "real world" and that dreams won't come true the way we expect them to, and life is about sacrifices. Unfortunately, I have found most of that to be the case. However, none of it is to my credit. The reality we created for ourselves ensured that, for the most part, I did have many dreams washed away; and I did find that the real world was cruel and often disappointing. Getting a job is exciting. Applying to a million job positings before hearing from one or two companies isn't. After graduating, one expects herself to be on top of the world - full of knowledge and ready to make the world a better place. Then the waiting begins, and the "you don't have enough experience" and "we're looking for someone more qualified, but apply later!" messages arrive. Your inbox is full of rejection.
Life is indeed hard. And the older I get, the more complicated and annoying it all is. Because in all honesty, I love eating my mother's cooking. And I love my bedroom and the house I grew up in. The train doesn't actually bother me, and coming home to the greatest people I know is hardly a disappointment. So what if I don't have a mortgage and kids? Working and being at home has actually allowed me to help my family in ways I was never before capable of. The world expects us all to jump into the cold streets and fend for ourselves. But it's fine if you don't want to. It's fine if you aren't ready. Enjoy this moment of transition and consider yourself lucky to be alive.
When you are told to "grow up", what you're really being told is to be more serious, to be more concerned with "reality" and the start acquiring debts. You can take full ownership of yourself without having to grow up in the way people tell you to. Never forget that yes, the world can be a bitter place. But it can also be marvelously beautiful and exciting. You can meet people who will break your heart, and people who will mend it. You can see mountains and rivers and oceans, and countless wildlife. It all takes money. It all takes time. But here is the only advice that I have regarding all of that:
- Study. An education (school) may not be for you, but always continue learning about the world and about anything and everything you can. Knowledge is indeed power. It doesn't have to come through a classroom and a textbook. Sometimes it can just come through life.
- Follow your passions. Patti Smith once said that you have to decide what you love, and simply follow that road. And you must realize that sometimes the road will be rough and perhaps you will struggle at times. But if that is what you love, you simply must accept that. HOWEVER, consider reviewing fields of study that actually have a future. Machines will inevitably remove humans from automated actions.
- Save, but make sure to spend as well. Spend your money wisely. Invest in items that will continue growing in value with time. And make sure to travel and enjoy good food. Money is there to solve problems. Once your problems are solved, feel free to indulge accordingly.
- Trust yourself and the people closest to you.
And to the young Denisse, who turned 21 only two years ago, I will say: "So much has changed in 2 years. You have grown in ways you didn't think you could anymore. If you considered yourself mature then, you have come a long way now. You are more confident - though the struggle continues - and you have learned the value of what you know. Don't think about what you can't do. Because from now on the world will have to keep up with you. It does get better. Trust me." Then again, aren't those the words we all tell our past selves? Perhaps because they are true. Wisdom comes with time and life. And sometimes, the more time we have under our belts, the more life we have experienced.
Good night."
